Day 33-
I am alive. I meditated on the duality of being. I was in a place where I could choose to either do something or not do it. There was no such thing as trying. Either I jump or I don't jump. It was my choice to make. Complete freewill.
We began our day with clean laundry and relaxation. Waiting for the moment our friends would meet us to journey together. Once they arrived, we followed them to pick up a friend. We took advantage of their need to refuel to fuel our bodies with food. We went to Shanghai Dumpling House in San Gabriel to share a meal.
We followed James to the trail in the San Gabriel Mountains. It was a steep and narrow winding trail that led downhill to Hermit Falls. At the end of the hike, we arrived to a local summer hangout. Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing on someone's speakers. It was a Sunday afternoon. Christina was preparing her for the jump. I was just taking in the moment perfectly at peace between action and inaction. I would either jump or not jump. We sat on a boulder cliff overlooking a 55 foot drop into a 12 foot deep pool of fresh water.
The people there were jumping in, challenging each other to jump or just spectators. After a while Christina was almost ready. She hung around the edge of the cliff. I stayed far away. I knew that looking over the cliff would have scared me. Eventually she was in position and people were cheering, counting down her jump. She did it.
I talked to Chavo about his experience. I wanted to have that in my life. Christina came back alive. I knew i had made it this far. I knew that I probably wouldn't be there again with friends that i trusted. I would not have this opportunity again. I decided to stand up and do it,
My last thought was "I am afraid of heights." I looked at a rock ledge jutting out directly beneath trying to will myself to keep my legs straight like a pencil as I dropped. My fall wasn't as long as others had led me to believe. I didn't have enough time to straighten my body vertically. The wind picked up my legs. I broke the surface of the water with my butt and brutalized the exposed flesh on the back of my thighs. I was scared when I jumped. I liked the moment underwater waiting for the water to lift me back up to the surface. I emerged from the water to the affirmation that I had completely failed the pencil method. I learned that I did not know how to cliff jump. I was a leap of faith. I sat along the edge and let the cold water cool my bruised thighs.
When I was ready, I made my way towards a rock that had been tagged by Banksy. I stood on it knowing that "BANKSY WAS HERE." Eventually after awkwardly standing there, I decided I needed to climb back up and meet with my friends. A child climbing down passed me the rope and helped me up. I survived. I was still alive. Christina and I would be the only ones from our group to make the jump that day. Some had experienced it and knew themselves and the current state of their bodies to handle the impact. We still had to hike back up the mountain.
We recollected at our cars and made plans for the evening. It would be the last night on the West Coast for 3 of us. We decided to go to Sunset Beach to enjoy ice cream while watching the sunset. The entire drive, I reflected upon my experience. I saw myself in the rearview mirror as the road unfolded before us. I was sitting behind the driver in the back seat. He had selected the perfect music for that moment. I saw the vision that I had seen in my dreams earlier in the trip. The woman without a face. I had become her. She was me. I was cold. The wind blew my hair across my face. The reflection of my shawl was superimposed over my face. I thought about the entire trip and all the stupid things I had done in my life. I was ready to grow up. I love my life. I took the jump and I was ready. The fall left me bruised and sore. I was thankful to be alive. I kept discovering additional injuries from the impact. I found a bruise on my chest from where my chin must have slammed because I found a bruise under my chin and within my lip. I imagine this is what a car accident must feel like. The difference is that I willfully jumped off that cliff. I learned a lot from that experience. I have stories to tell.
The wind on the beach was cold. We trembled with our ice cream cones in hand. Cornettos fix everything. We stepped into the tide and discovered that the water was warm. Chavo confronted his nemesis and joyously jumped into the ocean. A few years ago he lost feeling in his leg the last time he was in the ocean. He has worked very hard to rehabilitate his body and is truly an inspiration. Soon we would all join him in the Pacific Ocean swimming and riding the waves as the sun set over the beach. It was perfect. An amazing day.
Chavo invited us over to his home for one last BBQ. He has taken care of us for great portion of the summer. His father taught me how to make chile in their kitchen. Chavo grilled the meat outside. That night we enjoyed carne asada in great company. I was thankful Much peace and much love. <3
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