Reconnected with some of my sisters in this life journey. I needed to take a break from everything and spend some time out in the sun. We walked on the trail around the entire perimeter of Clopper Lake. We spent some time sharing experiences and lessons on a rock by the lake and played on a recycled tire playground as if we were children once we completed the hike.
The hike was not intensive. It was very moderate and level. Nothing too extreme. The trees were colorful and I loved watching each leaf float to the ground as it fell. I would prefer something with some height to be able to enjoy another view. It was a good day. I was able to voice and state some feelings that have been within me. I haven't declared them to the people who need to hear them the most but I have been able to articulate exactly where I am in this moment and what I would like.
I want this. I want someone to love who will do this precisely: give me wings to fly, roots to come back, and reasons to stay. When I left this summer - I was ready. Life had given me someone who I felt could offer me this. I was ready to stay. Un/fortunately, they were honest with me and they set me free. They validated my tendency to run.
I feel frustrated as I sit between action and inaction - knowing and understanding where I am emotionally. Wanting to reciprocate but trying to reconcile within the knowledge that I won't stay for either of the characters wanting of me in this presence. I am still healing. I need to communicate this so that they may understand.
I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become. I am love.
(European City?)
