No More Maybe

It may be 2pm at home but here in Doha it is 9pm. I still have 5 more hours to go before I can board my connecting flight to Denpasar, Bali, Indonesia.

So much magic already. So much learning. 8:18 has been my magical time. I keep finding it at the right moment by chance.

I left home with my mom. We saw a beautiful sunset on the way to the airport. I think I am getting her used to the idea of my disappearance with so many travels ahead. I am happy that my brother and his family are so supportive. It was the sunset that would bless my travels. The sunset of my homeland. 

I found my gate at 8:18pm. The first wave of understanding washed over me when the plane took off. Once it was off the ground, I knew something different was happening. It didn't hit me much until that moment. I held my necklace close as the plane was taking off, thinking of all I was leaving behind and everything I would gain. The flight was uneventful - I am used to turbulence and I am thankful I am a good sleeper. On the plane I ate, watched movies, and slept... 3 times. It was a strange cycle. I am definitely traveling through space and time - a time traveler!

Our flight arrived an hour early to Doha. Once again, I was greeted by the sunset - this time in a different country. Tommorow it will happen again in another country, in Bali. I am so thankful and I feel so blessed.

I have wandered and explored Doha International Airport. I know that I really want to buy Kinder Eggs for my nieces and nephews to celebrate Easter. I sat down and uploaded pictures to my art lesson collection (www.infinityreflected.tumblr.com). I reflected in my sketchbook. I ate junk food - a veggie burger combo with fries and a soda. Fries are universal it seems. The soda definitely got into my system and I am thankful. I plan on sleeping on the long flight. I had the cutest curly, long-haired baby boy join me during my dinner. The banana, brownie, and my stash of granola bars wouldn't have held me over until the flight.

During dinner - I received the message "No More Maybe" courtesy of Marlboro advertising. I think it was something I needed. It was 8:18 pm. For so long, I have always left things up to chance. No door was ever locked or sealed. I had no control of the future and didn't want to lose possible opportunities. I figure that I need to realize that I can be in control and I can decide what I want and what I need. If it is a maybe... then... maybe I don't need it. I don't want to be a bag lady. I do not want to be weighed down by too many possibilities. I want to be free. I am free.

There are so many things I want to do. So much I want to learn. Languages... I have been disconnected here. At home I can listen and pick up on the conversations around me. So far the closest I have been able to understand in this airport was a group of travelers speaking in French. I understood but I am so afraid to speak because I don't remember how to. I don't understand anything around me. Everyone is so beautiful. I am thankful I am American and that there is English everywhere. I am also thankful I have a Visa. I feel so unprepared. I hardly did any research before this trip. I have no way of communicating except for the universality of the English language. I remain silent because I do not know how to communicate. I smile. I look away. I keep to myself. I will learn. I will welcome and reach out. The lights of the city surrounding the airport twinkle. Lights on the shuttles flicker. Everything is moving but I am still.

Let it be blue 'til it is gold again.

It is the eve before my journey to Bali begins...

I am currently in the process of checking in early for my flight. In less than 24 hours I will be boarding my flight to Doha International airport. A 12h45m flight... followed by a 8h25m layover in the airport. My connecting flight to Denpasar is 11hr35m. That means that approximately 32h45m after I leave Dulles International Airport - I will have finally arrived to my dream destination.

I now have my boarding passes! My bags are packed. I am pretty sure, I packed far more than I will need but I have no idea what to expect. I am appreciating the containment of the organization. I have a bubble, the safety of Ananda Cottages in Ubud, Bali. I will be surrounded by like-minded individuals. I am hoping to attract positivity. I know how to disappear and retreat into myself. There are still a few more things I need to do. I have to figure out my whole teaching thing for tomorrow. I have everything I need. It is all there - all I need to do is prepare the parts and arrange the pieces.

I want to explain why I am going to Bali. It is crazy - it feels crazy - it is amazing!

I had a dream on July 1st, 2012 :: The Thousand Lotus Dream :: "Let it be blue 'til it is gold again."

Many things happened in this dream. The image that stayed with me was the view from the top of the mountain. The land below is broken up by streams to create what seems like an image of infinite petals. It is the thousand lotus that we were sitting upon. A storm comes and we find shelter within the temple. I woke up from the dream during the teachings - one of which was "Let it be blue 'til it is gold again."

The image on the retreat site was what I had seen in that dream. It didn't hurt that the retreat was half-priced with and additional $100 off for new members. I thought it was crazy to plan a trip a year in advance. It felt empowering. Here I am again and I have planned a trip to Kenya next summer. Who am I? Why do I make these decisions?

One thing is for sure - I need to get my materials ready for school tomorrow and I should complete my strange pre-flight tradition of watching Final Destination. Oh... and sleep too. I should get some sleep. I have no idea how my body will adapt to all the change.